Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
