he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just forgot I was standing up.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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