Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
