why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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