I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize