So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
