Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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