Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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