Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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