I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
