why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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