This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
