Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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