school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i think my cat just said my name.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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