if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
