Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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