girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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