At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
