your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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