Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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