I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize