yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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