plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize