on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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