I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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