Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's blow job season.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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