I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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