Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
