dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize