Someone shit on the floor
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
