he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
