My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
