Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
