what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize