Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
