Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
