The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
