Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize