Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
