the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
