Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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