Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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