I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
