stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
