I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
