If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
