I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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