he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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