Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Someone signed my nipple.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
