after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
