i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i've created a new STD.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
