somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
