did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
