haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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