He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize