Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Use "feeling words"
Yay
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
