Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize