sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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