Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize