he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
