Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize