no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
