they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
