Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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