God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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