but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
