dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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