I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
