my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
