On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
