I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
