Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
