there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
