I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
