I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
