Duck Duck Cougar?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
