i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
