i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize