I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
