Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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