So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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