Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
