Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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