Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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