My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
