Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
