Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
