I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
