You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
