my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
