if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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