he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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