3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
