$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
