Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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